Why Do Some Realtors Patronize Others? A Conversation We Need to Have
- Nichole Ehrbar
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
In real estate, communication can make or break a transaction. We spend our days negotiating, collaborating, and problem-solving — but every so often, you come across a tone that makes you pause.
A text, an email, or a comment that begins with “It’s quite simple…” or “You should already know this.”
Patronizing. Dismissive. And completely unnecessary.
Where Does It Come From?
Over time, I’ve realized this kind of tone usually says more about the person using it than the one receiving it. Here’s what’s often behind it:
1. Ego disguised as authority.
Some agents equate confidence with control — and when they feel that control slipping, they talk down to others as a defense mechanism.
2. Stress and burnout.
Deadlines, lending delays, and client pressure can fray anyone’s patience. Unfortunately, some people let that pressure leak out through their words.
3. A lack of communication training.
Most of our education in real estate focuses on contracts, not communication. Tone management, empathy, and collaboration are rarely discussed — but they matter more than ever.
4. Gender and power dynamics.
Let’s be real — women in real estate experience patronizing behavior more often. Calm confidence is sometimes mistaken for inexperience, and kindness is confused for weakness.
5. Industry culture.
The industry has long rewarded “alpha” energy: louder, tougher, faster. But that doesn’t make someone better — it often just makes them harder to work with.
A Better Way Forward
The truth is, we all have the same goal: to serve our clients and close deals smoothly. When we communicate with respect, everything moves faster, feels lighter, and builds trust — not tension.
Professionalism doesn’t mean losing your personality; it means bringing empathy, patience, and clarity to every conversation.
In a world that often rewards ego, be the agent who leads with Aloha — confidence with kindness, strength with humility, and directness with respect.
That’s how we elevate the industry, one transaction (and one tone) at a time.
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